Muffins of Mass Destruction
by Ingledew
Summary: Rated for safety.So far,we only maul Bleach. Maybe more later on.Also,this is a joint fanfic.So beware.
1. Ch1: Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even nothing.

WARNING: This is an OOC joint fanfic. It was written on a fit of permanent randomness & OOCness by one of my best friends, Fiona & I. I'm writing this chapter & Fiona's writing the next. I will always say when it's my chapter, & Fiona will probably always forget the disclaimer even though nothing belongs to her either.

Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya, head of the tenth division and the most chibi captain ever was working on paperwork when he suddenly stopped. A queer sound was coming through the open window. It went, in millions of very high-pitched voices; "Ching-ching, muahaha. Ching-ching, muahaha." He looked out the window and squealed in terror. Exactly fifty five million and one IceChipMuffins were rampaging through Soul Society, leaving ice statues in their wake and heading toward his chibi office. The ice cubes started out as shinigami, but the muffins bit them with tiny teeth and turned them to ice. He watched as Kenpachi, Byakuya, Soifon, and Renji went down fighting and will never again be mentioned until the second last chapter. When the IceMuffins moved on, all that was left of them were stylishly stylish ice statues which tended to go *sparkle sparkle*. Toshiro stared at a *sparkle sparkle*ing Soifon owlishly until he decided to stop. He then walked over to a bookshelf and pulled the book 'Diagrams of Poo' off the wall. The acclaimed bestseller made a random spacesuit *pop* into existence. Toshiro put it on; oblivious to the fact that armour is no defence against ice. He then walked out of the room to save Momo.

Toshiro nearly wet himself thinking about how he'd make his way through the deadly muffins without being bitten, UNTIL he remembered that he could run on air. So he began to merrily skip one hundred feet above the rabid IceMuffins. He actually managed to beat the IceMuffins to Momo's division's building, and jumped in through the window. Rukia, who had been having a playdate with Momo; dropped her Barbies and squealed at the sight of Toshiro. Incidentally, she squealed like Toshiro had earlier. Toshiro did a happy dance and skipped to Momo to give her a hug. Then, he said, "We are being invaded by killer muffins. These muffins are…muffins of mass destruction" Momo screamed. "Yes, I know Momo. It's scary. We must scream, run away, and panic in general to escape these malevolent muffins. " Rukia screamed, "SHADDUP!! Toshiro, we have a situation!!! Momo's been bitten by a muffin!!!" "Don't worry, one muffin isn't enough to kill her. It would take ten at lea- oh." He saw Momo. The ice statue of Momo shattered. Toshiro faceplanted and said, "I talk for one second and just _**look**_ what happens…" and jumped out the window with Rukia. "What do we do now, boss?" Rukia asked cheerily, looking surprisingly happy despite the fact she'd just lost her best friend. This extremely unnerved Toshiro. "Err… we… go through that suspicious-looking vortex over there." "Yessir" saluted Rukia. She conjured a coconut shell out of thin air and they clip-cloppitied all the way into the vortex. They came out into a circle of strange people performing a strange ritual on a grassy field. The ritual randomly stopped as an unseen voice called, "Halt, my imaginary minions!!! Go poofie!!!" And all of the strange ritual performers disappeared into clouds of sparkly butterflies which, surprisingly, looked like Gin. A girl with bleached blonde hair and dressed in a purple-and-green dress said, "Hello, it's nice to meet you. The rules of this dimension dictate that I can't give out my name, so you may call me Ingledew. I'm the founder, director, chief chairman, etc of the CCPS, or Copywrited Character's Protection Society. We've brought you here to protect you from the evil muffins. FINALLY!!! My speech is over!!! I'm sorry, but that's the mandatory speech I have to say to all visitors of this area." And Ingledew ran up, squeed "It's Shiro!!!!!" and glomped him quite a few times while Rukia looked jealous. Toshiro looked blissfully out into the middle distance and said, "I could grow to like this place."


	2. Ch2: Yoruichi Shihouin

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone, not even Emily. Emily owns herself.

Yoruichi did a long, deep, cat yawn and sleepily curled up outside the Urahara Shop. She was slightly hungry and extremely tired. For some reason, she was craving muffins. Steaming hot catnip muffins with a bowl of milk on the side. She suddenly perked up her silky ears. She could hear lots of footsteps coming towards her. She stood on her hind legs and saw… an army of muffins?

Yoruichi ran inside and screeched, "Kisuke, come quick!" "What is it this time?" Urahara yawned. "Evil catnip-obsessed muffins!" Yoruichi yowled. "Right. Have you been eating catnip again?" Urahara asked concernedly. Yoruichi frowned. Kisuke didn't believe her?!? "You don't believe me?" "It's hard. You haven't been very believable since you became addicted to catnip." "Well, come and look at the muffins then! See for yourself!" Yoruichi yowled in frustration. Urahara sighed, and left the shop with Yoruichi trailing smugly behind. What she saw made her stop in her tracks.

The street had pavement, houses, and Urahara, but was distinctly lacking muffins. "You want me to check for the muffins, don't you?" Kisuke asked as he spotted Yoruichi's ferverent nodding. He checked the alley on one side of the street and saw nothing. He checked the other alley…and was swarmed by exactly 444,444,444,444,444,444 CatMuffins.

Yoruichi screeched and dashed up a random tree onto the roof of the Urahara shop. She jumped up and down and yelled "Tessai! Escape with Jinta and Ururu! Bring your weapons and RUN AWAY!!!" Following her own advice, Yoruichi promptly fled the shop. Once she was 3 blocks away, she randomly stopped and turned for a random reason just in time to see Urahara shop turn into a fountain of catnip. Being strong-willed on occasion, Yoruichi continued to flee to what she realised was Ichigo's house. It was hard to tell because the ground floor was overrun with muffins. Yoruichi groaned and swore profusely in cat; and felt even more worried. She looked for any sign of Ichigo and his family, but found none.

However, she did find a vortex and, because it smelled like catnip mice, jumped through. She walked around a grassy field until she found a three story log cabin with a balcony. Inside the house, Toshiro-taichou was watching the CatMuffins. "Hi Yoru!" he said hyperly. "We watched Urahara get eaten by muffins! Those muffins are muffins of mass destruction, huh?" "Shaddup and get me milk and catnip. Lots of catnip. Who's that?" she pointed to the person cuddling Toshiro-taichou. "I'm Emily, and Tofu's mine. ALL MINE!!!" she shrieked spazzingly. "AND DON'T TAKE HIM!!!" Toshiro and Yoruichi sweatdropped. Yoruichi broke the ice with, "So, where's my room?" "Oh, you're beside me. You couldn't be beside Ingledew, she'd kill you," Emily responded nonchalantly. Toshiro took this chance to cut in with "Can we switch rooms? I have to share a room with Emily here and our bunk bed broke…" Yoruichi shuddered. "NO WAY!!!" "Thank you. Let's be friends!" Emily said. "Only if you tell me what's happening." "Ok." Emily sighed. "Muffins have taken over your world. Survivors from other worlds might be coming in shortly. And Ingledew hates you because she thinks you're having a relationship with Kisuke." Yoruichi gaped. Toshiro giggled. And Yoruichi conjured a muddy, filthy sock out of thin air and stuffed it in Shiro's mouth. "So," Emily said "Let me show you to your room."

OH NOES!!!!! Evil, evil me. I did a cliffie. Next chapter is huge, so don't expect it anytime soon. By the way, my writing partner hasn't been writing, so this might not even be a crossover O.O


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